A wedding. Your big day. And, uh, why are you doing this?

A lacy white dress. Walking down the isle with perfectly perfect bouquet in hands. A soon-to-be husband, watching your approach. Family crying crystalline tears of happiness.
The big day.
YOUR big day. The day you are a bride.
Reaching the point where you settle down, where you take the next step... It's every woman's dream, right?

Have you ever considered why?

No, really, I'm asking you. Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to have a wedding?

So many people I've asked cannot easily answer this simple question. I mean, I think if you're spending tens of THOUSANDS of dollars on something, you should be able to answer why. Especially if you aren't in that elusive stratum of society that can just blindly piss away money (and let's face it, most of us are NOT in that layer)

But more often than not, my question is rewarded with strange stares, as though I've asked something odd, and my favourite - and most common - answer:

"Because that's what you do. It's tradition."
I love that answer. Tradition. Really, that means you just don't know, do you? You just know you have to get married, because... well... that's what everyone does. People get engaged, and then they get married, and then they have children.

It's a formula that often works, I can't deny it.

But I have this pesky need to question things. It's really a curse. Especially when someone says it's traditional. So let's look at some elements of a marriage/wedding that we all tend to blindly accept without thinking about it.

Diamond engagement rings: made popular by a 1920's DeBeers advertising campaign. A brilliant advertising campaign that has changed the entire way we progress as monogamous couples in our culture.

Not going to go into this too much, as this "tradition" was called into question by a recent College Humour skit that is gaining attention.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

 

White dresses: they mean purity right? Nope. Mary Queen of Scots has been held up as the first famous woman to wear a white wedding dress (back when white was the French colour for mourning) but no one really knows why she wore it - in a time when other colours for wedding dresses were more popular.

But it was truly our media-obsessed culture that fucked us in this regard. Through much of the twentieth century, wedding outfits were just fancier versions of current trends. But from the 1950's white wedding dresses that were only worn once grew in popularity. Why? Because we started watching movies! Movies with weddings in them! And we accepted that a "white wedding" was normal.

 

The garter: Have you ever wondered why brides wear a garter? Have I made you wonder? Well, I'll tell you. This is actually IS an old tradition, unlike the white dress and the diamond ring.

Women and men had to consummate the marriage after the vow, so members of the reception would witness the consummation and take the garter as proof they were there.

So romantic!

I'm not even going to go into the sexist events like a partner asking your father if you can get married, or your father giving you to another family (Why do women agree to this? It's 2014, I shouldn't have to point out that your father doesn't own you and thus cannot GIVE YOU AWAY like a old sweater).
That's a whole other post.

You don't own me...

So instead of digressing into things that infuriate me, let's delve more into answers that confuse me. 

Some other answers I get to the question "Why do you want to get married?":

"Because you want to make a commitment, and I want them to make a commitment to me." - I understand commitment. Commitment is important. But what I question is: why do you need a marriage to make a commitment? What about the marriage is going to enforce commitment? The sacred vow isn't so sacred anymore.
What is it that marriage gives you that you can't do by yourself? A marriage doesn't automatically mean that your partner won't cheat on you, or that you won't get bored of each other's bits.
Also, in this day when most couples live with each other before marriage, I think... isn't living together a commitment by itself?

"Because it's romantic!" - Well I don't see it. Honestly, the most romantic I am is when I'm alone with my partner, not sweating in a big frothy dress in front of my uncles and cousins and rushing off my feet so I can get photos in the perfect light of me and my partner almost - but not - kissing. That's not romance. That's pantomime.

"Because it's a big party!" - Again, another thing that could be done without a wedding or a marriage. With much less expense.

"Because I want everyone to know I love my partner" - uh, why? Why isn't your love enough by itself? Why do you need Great Aunt Beattie and your third cousin to witness it?  Is love not real until your entire circle of friends and family sit around at alternate plates of chicken and fish? I weep for love.

"Because I want my day of being a princess" - I've never actually heard this outside television and I hope I never do. Cause seriously, play Mario Kart and stop wasting everyone's air. (bit judgmental. It's just I get annoyed when women want to be princesses but never queens)

So some of you might be thinking I'm nitpicking. Some of you might be asking "Well, why DON'T you want to get married?"
And my answer is: I don't see the point. Marriage seems like a whole big bit of nothing. Such pressure on women to get married when in the end, it doesn't change you. You remain the same person, your partner remains the same. Signing a piece of paper doesn't change the way you feel either. It's a lot of expense, months of planning, wasted hours trying to pick what colour my friends should wear ...and for what? What is the gain? What do I get?
Love? No I already had that.
Commitment? No, I had that too.

Photos of me dolled up ... ah, I see now! You want the photos! The whole wedding, all the money and all the effort, and all the time all come down to that because that's the only thing you get from it all!
The photos are definitely something you walk away with. I can't deny it. Wedding photos will look amazing.
But they will be completely staged.
Your hair may be fancy, your makeup flawless and your eyebrow game beyond compare... but you will be wearing a variation of a white dress that everyone wears in a pose that the photographer has photographed with tens of other couples.
Why is that special?

My advice?
Buy a camera. Go to photography lessons with your partner. Take your own photos. They'll mean more in the end and cost you a lot less.

Wonder Woman: BLOOD (the new 52)

 

Wonder Woman.

Everyone knows Wonder Woman. She’s an icon as recognisable as Batman or Superman. And she’s been around for a while.

I’m not going to pretend I know a lot about Wonder Woman - I don’t. Her history is varied. I do now at one point she owned a mod boutique and was also made from clay. I know she had an invisible plane - which is always fun to imagine. And I know she has been an enduring symbol of feminism when she was released. In fact, I think that was the point of Wonder Woman. She did everything the superhero men did – but she did it while being in possession of a vagina.

 

 

I know she has been relaunched a few times, the most recent of which was the new 52 - which is what I’ve just got as a present from one of my friends.

And it’s good! Blood is a collection of the first six issues, and so far I like what i'm seeing.

You probably already know the basics about the relaunch - that she’s now being written as the bastard daughter of Zeus - and no longer birthed from a wish on clay. This is now just a cover story that Hippolyta used to protect her daughter from god-driven machinations.

Wonder Woman is a bit younger, a bit less all knowing, a bit more impulsive. She’s fierce, and can be a bit scary. She’s still well known – but her plans don’t always work – which is great!

There's a strong emphasis on mythology - and that's what really sucked me in. I love the greek gods, and these interpretations of them are fresh and interesting.

The story starts in media res, with an introduction of the antagonist (well, one of them) and then following a young girl - Zola - who suddenly finds out she is pregnant with another of Zeus’ bastards.

That god gets around.

 

The main conflict in the story is really about the gods’ affairs. Zeus disappears, leaving his brothers Poseidon and Hades trying to take his throne. Zeus’ unloved wife – Hera - spends the first six issues rampaging around in a peacock feather cloak, taking revenge on all Zeus bastards - including Zola. Hermes entangles Wonder Woman by asking her to take care of Zola - then she is further entwined by the revelation that Zeus is her father. Wonder Woman spends the first six issues trying to sort out the whole “who should be sitting on the god throne” thing - and also dealing with her mother’s lie, and the fact she suddenly has a family of gods and demigods. And is a demigod herself.

That’s a big change. Though events in the book, Wonder Woman must align herself with her “new” family - the gods, instead of the Amazons. I know she’s left the Amazons in other timelines - but still that changes her character in a big way. I can no longer think of her as an Amazon – and a major event in the book removes that option – I now think of her as Zeus daughter. Hercules’ half sister...

Weird. But weird doesn’t equal bad.

Another big change in character is the addition of male heritage to Wonder Woman - and Hippolyta - who had become a perfect feminist icon.

on the cover of Ms.

 

I’ve been reading a few forums where internet peeps are questioning this – implying that adding the father, in fact giving her any male relations, reduces the impact she has as the perfect Amazonian.

Let’s just think about that. It's a little misguided.

Wonder Woman didn’t become a feminist icon because she was made of clay and a wish – she became a feminist icon because she believed in good over evil – she fought for good, over evil – and was a woman.  

It shouldnt matter that she is somehow "tainted" by the seed of a man. Being an amazon or a demigod doesn't have to affect her core character. Because being a pure amazon isn't what made her act the way she acts.

She should be the same basic character with a few tweaks.

 

 

Give her a chance in this new relaunch, let her prove herself to be what you expect. If she falls short - she does. I mean it's not like she hasn't had a few stumbles over the years ...

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2011/03/the_6_worst_jobs_wonder_woman_ever_had.php

...but she remains a strong character. This new series is exciting because not only is Wonder Woman in the middle of an interesting story, she’s a strong character, who just happens to be a woman.

I love that.

TAKE MY MONEY, DC. I WANT THE NEXT ONE.

Borderlands stays out of the kitchen!

'Sup.

So, in relation to my last post... Borderlands 2 is one of the games that realises apparently half the gaming population is female. And what follows is a rambling review of gender-specific part of the game.

Unlike the first game, which I remember being pretty heavy on the sausage (and light on the story) this game has surparssed expectations and made a shooter that includes women. And I don't mean a token chick - an effort to reach a demographic - women are integrated into the fabulous world of Pandora. The roles for women aren't - for the most part - female specific, a lot of the roles seem genderless, and only include women because, well, half of us ARE female.

The producers of the game haven't targeted girl-gamers, it doesnt come off that way at least, they've just made a fully realized world. The whole production of the game seems pretty female-friendly... okay, apart from that casual misstep where one of the producers nicknamed one of the "hey you suck? well pick this" skill the girlfriend tree and got raked over the coals...

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2012-08-13-borderlands-2-gearbox-reveals-the-mechromancers-girlfriend-mode

 

Just to clarify, I suck at critical hits. But that's because I didnt grow up with first person shooters - I grew up with Bloodrayne.

...the whole Borderlands 2 experience is welcoming for a woman. I'm not going to go into the "TITS OR GTFO" experiences some people have on the servers, I haven't played online so I don't know what the community is like - but the game itself is done the way it should be.

Ellie - likes: cuddling, murder

It's little things - walking up to a NPC in town and hearing a female voice (alot of the random characters in the towns are androgynous looking), getting many questlines of female characters. You spend time with the vault hunters from the first game - and the character that's around the longest is Lilith. Surprising.

I have to note that the humanoid grunt-enemies you fight in the game are all male - you wont find any real female presence there apart from the occasional Queen Sandworm .

I can't assume it was to save costs when there are so many enemy types. I'm not sure what drove that choice when female presence and image was so easily achieved elsewhere in the game. Perhaps market studies show that people are just happier shooting virtual men? *shrug* for a different blog perhaps...

Before launch, there were four main characters, and it was the usual spread of three male/one female - but then they added Gaige, who I believe is a thirteen yr old robot-constructor. I was pleasantly surprised! Three to two isn't bad - especially when we're talking about a shooter, a usually male dominated genre.

But on TOP of the even character genders, they also show a full spectrum of female archtypes. From Tiny Tina - a tween explosives expert, to Moxxie - the oversexualised one,

Moxxie's favourite weapon - Miss Moxxie's Good Touch is a gun that vibrates your controller when you equip it.... Hmmm....

to Angel - the helpless madonna, to Gaige - the cute one, to Ellie - the one defying body image, to Captain Scarlett - the one that will definitely stab you in the back.

I friggen love the jovial, upper crust, hook-handed Scarlett.

These women aren't the usual bikini clad, big chested dolls that usually populate video games (despite what an internet search on the females in the game could lead you to believe, I swear there are a lot of great artists out there that want to do nothing but draw Maya performing favours on the rest of the main characters) - not every female character is a sexpot like Moxxie. And that's important to have - it's good that females aren't just represented by "sexy". There are more character options out there - and Gearbox understood that.

Wearing a blood-stained mask of a Psycho on her head...

I couldn't be happier seeing so many females populating Pandora. And the ability to play two different female characters - with female voices - it's just great. I'm invested in this game, and it is an amazing game besides all this, because I feel welcome to it.

 

Hopefully the big damn success of Borderlands 2 will encourage other production houses to look closely at what Gearbox Software does. Not only has it made an engaging game here, it’s made an involving game for all those gamers out there - not just half.

Girl gamers? Not such a minority anymore...

So I got the EB World email, along with 1 million other gamers. And I was surprised to see 42% of those gamers ... were female!

Say what?

I know. For a moment, I thought someone may have made a typo as well. But I'm going to go with it. In fact, the surprise was a happy one. All I ever hear about in regards to girl gamers is the gender disparity in the community - mostly represented by the question: "Wait - you play games? You?"

Yes I do. And apparently so do a lot of other women.

This what it must've been for all the gamers in 1986, victoriously finishing Metroid after hours only to find... *GASP* Samus Aran is a girl!

You crafty bitch! I couldn't see your swimsuit under all that power armor!

That might not seem like a big surprise but in 1986 - it was! Whahhh? A girl?
The creator actually put this reveal in to surprise the player - which to be surprising has to be unexpected. And it was, despite coming out early in the line up, Samus was surrounded by Contra, Super Mario Bros, a ton of male sprites in assorted sport games, Castlevania etc etc And Samus caused a stir. She even has a trope named after her...

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SamusIsAGirl

Despite being created for shock value, Samus also created a female presence in games. While many people perceived her as hardly making any strides forward for female kind because under the power armor she could be anything - male, female, alien - that's not really the point. She just is a woman. The story isn't any different, she kicks butt like any other character would. She definitely isn't helpless. And she's a chick.

Why did I even mention Samus? Because she represents! I'm a woman and I don't mind playing male characters but that doesn't mean I *only* want to play male characters.
Portal's Chell is a modern version of Samus. She's a woman for the reason that... she is. There is no reason. It's not a big thing. She just has girl-parts instead of boy-parts. There should be more of this.

And I agree, we are getting much more! RPG games would have a female character choice as a standard now.
FPS usually have at least a 1 in 4 chance of a woman. Borderlands is the one I've been playing recently. Left 4 Dead is another.

But I want more. I want a female protag in a Bioshock type game. I want a Wonder Woman game as awesome as Batman: Arkham City!

Games are still mostly representing males, it's true. A quick view at Playstation's Coming Soon List confirmed my suspicions (along with a very high number of sequels?) I think all the titles in the next few months have male looking characters on the covers.

But hey, if 42% of gamers are apparently females... then we have a weighty presence. We BUY almost half your products. Want to sell more games to 42% of your market? I have a few ideas how...

Why it’s important to have more “Brave” roles for women in movies

Brave is an important movie, perhaps more important than it thought it might be. Media attention aside for the moment. Revenue and profit aside too, for the moment.

Brave is a movie about women.

I’ve had people ask me why that point is important. It’s important because women honestly don’t feature in most movies. Actually, they don’t feature in most media.

That statement might send some people into scoffing disbelief, but pay close attention to it. I said feature. Women might exist in every movie or television show you’ve seen recently – but do they feature? Is there more than one woman in that movie? Do they progress the plot? And Bechdel’s infamous question: do they talk about anything other than a man?

For interest, I had a look at the top 50 most popular 2012 movies in IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/search/title?year=2012,2012&title_type=feature&sort=moviemeter,asc

As of writing this blog, 6 of those 50 had female leads – and one of those was Twilight. Another 3 titles had split 50/50 male and female leads.

Considering women are half the population, those aren’t great odds.

This is important, and no, it’s not just because I’m menstruating.

Movies themselves are a microcosm of our current culture. Women being underrepresented in movies says something about our culture at large. While egalitarianism is no longer at the forefront of our minds – ‘cause women can work and buy their own tampons and shit – this phenomenon still shows our current culture clearly. This underuse shows that men – and their stories – are more important to our society.

Brave is Pixar’s thirteenth movie, and their first female protagonist. Why? It’s a money thing. There’s a secretive agreement we’ve all come to, in the boardrooms of the people who greenlight movies and in the isles of Target when you’re buying a movie to watch: men will watch movies about men, and women will watch movies about women AND men.

The movie houses get nervous about releasing things with female leads because they honestly think it can’t sustain a male audience and thus will lose out on 50% of the supposed earnings.

Which is why Brave is so important. Because Brave is a great movie, it’s an actioned packed, emotional movie about breaking social norms. About breaking free and taking charge of your own destiny.

And it’s driven by women. Strong women, who can lead and have their own stuff to deal with, and their own female-female relationships to nurture. And just like little girls could love Woody and Buzz – little boys could love Merida.

And no, I’m not saying you should never have a movie aimed at women, or a movie aimed at men. I’m just saying, that by the law of averages, we should be about 50/50 and we’re not – we’re nowhere near.

It's an anthropomorphic sausage party up in here

This issue is especially important in children’s movies, because children need role models. Most female roles in children’s movies are either princess (a ‘girls’ movie), a secondary character or some sort of token femme-ification of a male character.

How did that woman get in here?

Children are like little sponges, and if all little girls can take away from movies to look up to is a token female they’re going to learn their place in our society very well and very quickly. They’re going to learn that women aren’t equal. They’re going to learn that a story about a women is merely a secondary plot. They’re going to learn that a woman is just not as important as a man is.

It’s important for women to be represented in movies, and television and books. And our society can change its current standpoint. If it's Brave enough.

Review: Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy

Ariel Levy's examination of expectations of modern day female sexuality (at least in Western terms) is intriguing and her opinions mostly justified.



Levy's book is about the 'hot' ideal. The playboy-as-teen-icon ideal, the porn star as the ultimate in female liberation. The blonde and large-breasted ideal. The exhibitionist woman who is ready to play, ready for sex, 'that' woman that we see everywhere in our society - that ideal is fast becoming the only outlet of female sexuality.

Raunch culture is Levy's term, the definition of which is the rise of sexuality in our media, and it's perversion of sexuality into a type of commodity.

While Levy has no issue with stripping, or porn, or people gaining a sexual thrill from those things, what she examines is how easily a variety of women conform to that one idea of sexuality. She followed a Girls Gone Wild crew for this book, and the facts she lays out about this experience are all at once expected and frustrating. She examines how many people believe this raunch culture to be the epitome of female liberation - instead of a backwards slide.

Levy makes the point that if women continue to shoe-horn themselves into a one-size-fits-all model, if we deem only 'that' woman as a sexual being, then we are only playing a part in order to attain attention and a sort of misguided self worth. This in essence, shows how far behind our understanding of woman's sexuality really is. The current raunch culture strong-arms women to play a part, in order to satisfy a man and, indeed, other women.

She examines the Sex and the City culture of feminity, where sex acts as a commodity. Where sex is pursued as a hobby rather than a desire-fuelled sexual encounter. Where sex is pursued to attain the veneer of a sexy, free-willed and empowered woman. And that with that veneer, comes self-worth and even status in society.

Another supporting facet of the book is the examination of women who 'act like men', in order to be 'cool', who visit strip clubs and watch porn not to experience any sexual desire, but rather to assume the facade of a woman who enjoys this. To 'be one of the boys', to be the woman who 'gets it' is becoming part of our culture. Shying away from the prim girly girl and focusing on the cool man. Levy examines how this mannification of women, of women wanting to act and be like men, is equal to saying that being a woman is somehow inferior - and I agree with her.

Levy is quick to acknowledge the woman who feels her most sexual with a hair free vagina, who gets a thrill out of exhibitionism - but is trying to make the point that not every woman is that woman, and the more our society and our media only acknowledge this woman as sexual in the spectrum of sexual women, the more women at large are forced to be like that woman and deny their own sexuality.

SEXUAL!

This is an opinion piece, backed by interviews and some data. There is a chapter in which Levy attempts to delve into the trans community, and makes some oddly sweeping implications that women opting for trans surgery are somehow indulging in the mannification of women. I think she missed the point in this area, but it doesn't invalidate the rest of the book.

Also, I know this is a book based on WOMEN and the rise of raunch culture, but I think Levy could have taken a moment to acknowledge that - to a less grievous extent - men have a predetermined role to play in raunch culture as well.

All in all, it's a thought-provoking read with some stunning statistics in regards to things like vaginoplasty and teen pregnancies in it. I really enjoyed it, and I'd look for more from Levy in the future.

Review: Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti

 

Jessica Valenti knows her shit. She does. In Full Frontal Feminism, she explores the relatively new idea that feminism does have a new face, and they face cops a lot of judgement, even from other women. And I wish it wouldn't because OBVIOUSLY, it's the exact opposite of what we need as a society. 

Women against women has always pissed me off. I don't believe we''re all sisters in arms, that's just as much as an "us against them" idea as anything else. 

But to have some feminists against OTHER feminists, some feminists saying that other feminists don't know enough, don't have the "right" values, don't "understand" what feminism is about - that's INSANE.

Because feminism is about being equal. It’s about fairness and equality for everyone, women and men. And Valenti really expresses that. Feminist against feminist goes against the basic ideals of feminism – and it’s a problem I’ve encountered!

She writes that, sure, heels and makeup make women look sexier by today’s definition of “sexiness” – but if you like to, wear those heels! If you don’t want to, DON’T! Awesome :D I agree with that. 

What I loved about FFF was that I already believed most of the ideals she writes about – but I couldn’t define those ideals I had. Valenti discusses with clarity those furry feelings of wrongness I had. E.G. she poses the idea of a “rape schedule” wherein women walk to their car with their keys in their hands, ready to attack the boogeyman where he may jump out of the bushes. I do this. I know a lot of women who do, but Valenti really clarifies what’s wrong with that, and what it means to our society as a whole.

Is this a good book?

For me, definitely. Read it in three hours, couldn’t put it DOWN good book. Valenti writes with appropriate humor about the subjects she covers, and colours each with personal stories and anecdotes. The book is a joy to read, and for me, made me feel like I had a person on my wavelength. 

Valenti definitely has a new fan in me. Who doesn't love a cool, smart woman?

Pick up the book, regardless of your gender!

Valenti’s site: feministing.com